And I'll kick her sir...

Chloe-I'm gonna be a Hi-Yaher when I grow up.
Becky-Like a ninja?
Chloe- No, a Hi-Yaher! and I'm gonna save the world because I've been practicing all day!

Memory is a treacherous b******.

Tonight after dinner we had to make a run to the store. (For the shop not us.)

We got in got what we needed and were out of the store  in about 15 minutes.

Heading home Karl started singing. He doesn't sing very often at least not seriously so I was enjoying his rendition of "Blueberry Hill".

I smiled because my dad loved that song. He didn't sing very often either but he would belt out a bit of "Blueberry Hill" every once in awhile. Usually directed at my mom.

Then I thought about when he was slipping away from us. His breathing laboured as we sat around him. Holding his hands and patting his head. I didn't want him to be scared. I knew he was dying and I wanted to tell him that I loved him.

He wasn't perfect. He was impatient and cranky and sometimes completely unreasonable.  But he was my dad. He took us on picnics and berry picking and to quirky restaurants. He grew roses like some sort of rose savant.

There isn't enough time to say "I love you and you love me and I remember those times and always will." To say "We didn't always agree but none of it matters because you're my dad and you did a damn fine job of being my dad." So many things you can't say because the words are trapped by the tears you are trying not to cry. So little time to hold his hand and pat his head and hope that he's not scared.

So I opened up my mouth and the first thing that could get past the tears was "I found my thrill, on Blueberry Hill" It was a little shaky but it helped that Cate and Lora joined in. "On Blueberry Hill, when I found you..."

"The moon stood still on Blueberry Hill and it lingered until my dreams came true.
The wind in the willows played loves sweet melody
But all of those vows we made were never to be
Though we're apart you follow me still
For you were my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

So we talked to him as best we could and held his hand and sang a few songs to him. I think he knew we were there. I think he knew the things we couldn't say, didn't have time to say.

I started crying as Karl sang. I didn't want to cry. I liked the singing. I liked the song. I didn't want it to end.

Things do end though. I try to always remember good things about Dad. To laugh when Chloe sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth when she's concentrating and somehow manages to look just like Grandpa Geo. To remember berry picking and farmer's markets, long, pointless drives into the night and the simple joy of knowing the best and oddest places to eat. I want to be happy when I think of him

 but sometimes, I cry.

Erm...

So Tuesday I was sewing lapped t'shirts for Ben and Jude and Chloe was sitting at the table drawing. She paused, looked up at me and said. "Mommy, what's a virgin?"

My brain went into panic mode.  

Interior Dialogue-"Where did she hear that word? She doesn't hang around older kids..was it on t.v.? Oh God! how do I dumb this down? The farthest we've got on where do babies come from is 'Mommies and Daddies make them.' Ack, okay calm down..."

Mommy-(very casually)"Where did you hear that word baby?"

Chloe-"Martha Speaks!"

Interior Dialogue-"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, they wouldn't say that word on Martha Speaks, what word did they say. Think, think, think..."

Mommy-"You mean version?"

Chloe-"Yes, version."

Mommy-(In a much relieved voice.) Okay, see how Mommy is making both Ben and Jude the same type of shirt but each one is slightly different? That means I made two different versions."

Chloe looks at me for a moment then says- "No Mommy, like you don't like something."

Mommy-"Oh...aversion!" (Such as I have an aversion to this topic)

That said...

Lapped T'Shirts for Ben and Jude

Two different versions...

Jolene

I've been trying to catch her singing this for weeks now. Thank goodness for Terie!

Make it. Made it.

First off a couple of Chloeisms.

Chloe-"What does difficult mean?"
Mommy-"Do you know what hard means?"
Chloe-"Yes, hard means not squishy at all."

While out shopping...
Lady customer- "Aren't you the cutest thing?"
Chloe-(Running by, over her shoulder.) "Yes, I am!"

Note to self: Teach Chloe about vanity.

So, I've been off work for a few weeks recovering from gall bladder/hernia surgery. Can't really deep clean the house or garden or do anything that requires heavy lifting or much bending so I've been sewing. A lot.

.

Pre-surgery I finished the "Supposed to be her Christmas dress but I messed up the shirring so I lost steam and didn't finish it until early March so now it's her Birthday dress." dress.

Then I made her a separates outfit for her to wear to her birthday party. It was inspired by Michael Costello's outfit for the Broadway Challenge on Project Runway All Stars.

The first thing I made after surgery was my own design. This too was inspired by Michael Costello's Broadway Challenge for Project Runway. Mine of course is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay simpler. I just wanted to capture that fun silhouette. I made her the exact same style dress except white on top, yellow in the middle and green on the bottom and the second version has pockets. For some reason I haven't taken a photo of it even though she's already worn it at least twice.

Then I made her Simplicity 2006 from some lovely and expensive Robert Kaufman Celebrate Seuss Fabric. It felt like it was going to be a bit of train wreck/clown costume but trust Wub to be cute enough to pull it off. I put this on her and she immediately started jumping around because it's, you know...a jumpsuit,

She's outgrown her Threadless "Playin' in the Sprinkler" Tee. I cut it into a tank trimmed it with purple bias tape and added an uber cute seersucker and tulle skirt. It works perfectly with the grey and purple tights Daddy brought home from England. We even found purple shoes that someone had handed down to us!

Next was a foray into the world of nightclothes. Simplicity E1835, some beautiful fabric bought on clearance at the Walmart, lovely butterfly embroidered edging and (not shown) butterfly buttons make this the fussiest thing I've ever made. Love it and her in it.

 Probably not last, but definitely the latest another foray into nightwear. I bought the above pink fabric and decided it needed to be a nightie. So I searched the web for inspiration and found these Gingercake's Pillowcase Nightgown Tutorial  and this Summer Sewing Pillowcase Nightgown on Sew, Mama Sew. (Which is the pattern I decided to go with because I really like bias tape.) Here's the weird part. I was nosing around on Gingercake's blog and found a previous post on Thrifting Treasures. The fourth picture was my Grandma's sheets! Nostalgia! Imagine my surprise when the next day we took a trip to Goodwill and found the exact same sheet and pillowcase!

Exactly the SAME!!!

You say it's your birthday...

She's asleep right now.

All sprawled out, hair a crazy halo about her head, one hand tucked up beside her face. She looks like such a big kid but she's my baby and she always will be.

Not that I'm complaining because damn, she is a pretty amazing kid. She says and does things that make me look at the world in a whole new way. She makes me laugh and cry and makes me want to be a better person. She also made me pretty okay with the way I am now. All in all a pretty amazing product packed into a liitle package.

The other night we were watching A Concert at the White House and though she wasn't fully appreciative of the Blues she did ask many questions about what they were and why they were called the blues. We tried our best to explain the concept of singing about the hard times to remind ourselves of the better times. We even tried to a little bit explain the idea of catharsis. Did she get it? I wasn't sure until Gary Clark Jr. came and rocked the place "Mommy this isn't the blues, this is the happies because it makes you happy!" (She rocks)

So today is her birthday, she's asleep now but soon she'll pop open her eyes and look out on the world in her amazing way. We'll give her gifts and try to make her feel special because she is.

Yes, it's her birthday but four years ago she gave us both the best gift and she keeps on giving.

Happy Birthday Chloe. We love you!

Later on that very same night....

Chloe-isms

"Hey Mom let's go watch the grats!" (Rugrats)

Whilst telling jokes...
Chloe-"Why was the elephant crying?"
Daddy-"I don't know, why was the elephant crying?"
Chloe-"Because he missed his mom and dad."
Daddy-"That's not a joke."
Chloe-"Yes it is, it's a sad joke!"

We were discussing why roses had thorns and I told her it was to protect them from predators. A few minutes later she was running through the house yelling:
"Help! help! I need to protect myself from the creditors!"